This past New Year’s Eve was certainly not what I was wanting or had looked forward to in the days prior. Life was dealing me some difficult situations and since November really, I’ve felt a slow transition going on inside me. I can’t say I was depressed, I just felt unfazed by anything. So while I initially had looked forward to celebrating the New Year with friends, I ended up not even caring when our plans got canceled. Last year I was excited and actually made some practical resolutions-which, if you know me, you know how out of character that is. I’d had a renewed sense of excitement about a fresh year and all the ways I wanted to be different. This year didn’t meet me with the same eagerness, it felt like just another day. Now, almost 2 weeks into it and I feel peaceful, more content, within my soul. Maybe I’m remembering why I never have made resolutions. That any day is a good day to start something new, it shouldn’t be reserved for one day. So, on this 13th day of the month, I’ve decided now is as good a time as any to pursue my passions and discover all this life has to offer!
Reflecting back on 2015, and really for the past almost two years now, I’ve asked God to reveal to me what His plan for my life is. I over think and over analyze everything, so sometimes I feel like I’m not getting a specific answer. I have also learned that He doesn’t want to dictate every minute detail of our life, that being obedient and serving Him is most important. He reveals Himself in the little things and shows us the path a little at a time. I never went to college to get a degree because I chose to become a wife and mom instead. Now, all these years later, I’m at the point where my kids are getting older and I feel like I’ve pushed my passions and dreams aside to be the best mom I could. I love creating things, hence the 6 kids, and have tried many different outlets to see what piqued my interest the most. Music will always be at the top of my list of things that soothe my soul, but let’s face it, I’ll never be a songwriter. I’ve recently discovered coloring books for adults and how much I get to put my creativity to good use. Blogging has been therapeutic more than anything, but it’s allowed me to use my creativity to tell my story. Along with all these things is my fascination with makeup. Growing up I used to watch my sister spend an hour in front of the mirror creating a masterpiece. She would literally spend 45 minutes getting her eyeshadow blended perfectly, and all this was before the days of nice makeup brushes-now that’s perseverance! I loved watching her apply her makeup but never really understood why. As I’ve gotten older though, I’ve enjoyed creating new looks myself, and trying different colors to accentuate my features. And now, with the amazing world of technology, I’ve gone from watching 15 second tutorials on Instagram to full version videos on YouTube. Watching these women (and men) create, to me, art on someone’s face, is like gazing upon a beautiful painting! Having a creative mind can be challenging at times, more so when you don’t have a specific focus. And I’ve put myself out there to see what captured my attention the most or held it the longest, and at this point makeup wins, hands down. But for me it goes beyond just liking the way it looks or trying to hide flaws, I love the artistry behind it. To take a blank canvas and blend colors & techniques is art at its finest. I’m sure fashion designers all over the world would agree that they’re creating art when they find the perfect pattern for a blouse, or create a new design for a skirt. It’s a whole new world to me, or perhaps one I’m seeing in a different light. After I’ve done my makeup or created a look on someone else, it’s an incredibly gratifying feeling, one I haven’t experienced outside of seeing my babies for the first time. You’re just like,”wow, I created that”! I imagine that’s how God feels about each of us. And when we put our talents to good use, amazing things can happen. I believe He gives us desires and passions to help us navigate our calling in life and it’s our job to pursue the dreams He places in our hearts. The biggest realization I’ve had in all this is that the desires in our hearts are ones that will bring honor and glory to Himself. And that if what we’re doing somehow fulfills that, He will bless us in ways we can’t imagine! I spent the better part of last year wishing and hoping that things would turn out in a specific way because it’s what made the most sense or seemed the most appealing. I still laugh at myself when I get so caught up in my own selfish wants and subconsciously think my ways are best. I know in my heart He has better intentions for me than I even have for myself most of the time.
My heart is telling me to pursue this passion, and right on schedule, my fear kicks in. I think to myself, “there’s already so many beauty bloggers on YouTube, I don’t have anything new to offer, I can’t afford to experiment with a bunch of new products, what if people don’t like me”, etc. Fear always rises up in us just before any major shift in our life to prevent us from taking that leap. I hate it, and I hate how familiar and convincing that voice is. But I just keep trying to remind myself that it takes a leap of faith to overcome fear, and growth doesn’t come from comfort zones. I know that no matter what, God will honor my obedience to overcoming fear. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. I would love to become a makeup artist and be able to put my passion to use. Helping people has always been a passion of mine, and I think this would be a small way I could fulfill that. Not everyone gets to live their dream, but I believe with the right amount of hard work and determination, all dreams are attainable. I’ve been told I’m relentless and when I set my mind to something, I don’t stop until I get it. So I’m praying this adventure is no exception. As they say, your dreams are on the other side of fear!
I also have to add that I probably wouldn’t even be considering this if it weren’t for my husband. I can’t imagine how frustrating in must be to be married to a creative person who isn’t sure what they want to do in life, or who has tried many different things only to lose interest. I can see God’s hand at work in both of us, and I know I need encouragement and support as much as the next person. I think I’ve always been afraid to explore anything in depth with the fear I would be taking away from my role as a wife or mom. So to have him not only supporting me, but encouraging me, is the greatest gift I could have ever asked for! And to have that from the person whose supposed to be my biggest fan is probably the best feeling in the world. So, to my husband, thank you for believing in me and encouraging me to pursue something that satisfies me in a way no office job ever could!
One of my first real experiences with creating more than just an everyday look is coming up next month. I get to attempt a creation that will accentuate the beautiful dress my oldest daughter has chosen for her first winter formal. That excitement and experience is for another post, I’m just flattered she’s chosen me to be a part of that day in a way that involves more than just taking twelve dozen photos! (And yes, there will be plenty of those to come!)
So, here’s to resolutions, realizations, and pursuing your dreams-no matter what day it is! And I apologize for the huge gap in time since my last post. I hadn’t felt inspired to write so it took a backseat. I hope this encourages you to be bold and take a leap of faith in whatever you may be contemplating today!
19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.